Beyond Brave
Meet Kyla and Lyle Thomson, co-hosts of Beyond Brave. As parents to Bella Brave, who inspired the world with her courage, they spent over a decade navigating her rare medical challenges. Together, they've channeled their experiences into helping others find resilience and healing. On Beyond Brave, Kyla and Lyle share stories of hope, love, and the lessons they've learned—both through Bella's journey and in their everyday family life. Join them as they honor Bella’s legacy and inspire others to find light even in the darkest moments.
Beyond Brave
#06 - Q&A Part 1: Marriage Secrets, Hospital Politics, and Kyla's 3 inch dilemma
Hey Bravelings! In this episode of Beyond Brave we dive into questions from our Instagram followers. We share advice on how to communicate with bereaved parents and reveal how we've kept our marriage strong through countless tough times. We discuss our navigation through the complex world of hospital politics and our experiences with Bella's numerous medical practitioners. Additionally, we offer insights on staying positive amid heavy medical news and recount the moments that helped us keep going. Join us as we explore these raw, real moments and continue our journey beyond brave.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
00:52 Googly Eyes and Cozy Quilts
01:29 Ronald McDonald House and Bella's Legacy
04:11 Children's Hospital and Medical Challenges
10:26 Podcast Tips and Listener Engagement
16:57 Navigating Public Interactions as Bereaved Parents
31:59 Handling Tough Times in Marriage
35:22 Navigating Relationship Challenges
36:19 Effective Communication Strategies
39:22 Coping with Stress and Anxiety
40:43 The Importance of Mental Health Support
44:51 Maintaining Positivity Amidst Adversity
50:53 Effective Medical Communication
01:04:30 Strengthening Marital Bonds
01:09:20 Concluding Thoughts and Reflections
Thanks for listening! Check us out on our socials.
www.instagram.com/kylact
www.tiktok.com/@kylact
www.facebook.com/BellaBravesMustardSeed/
www.youtube.com/@kylact
Hey Bravelings, welcome to another episode of Beyond Brave. With myself, kyla, and my husband Lyle, we are continuing our Q&A chats inspired by your Instagram questions, and we're going to dive into topics today like how to talk to bereaved parents, our marriage and hospital life. We're so glad you're here. Let's jump in. Welcome to Beyond Brave. I'm Kyla, and here's where we dive into stories of hope, bravery and laughter. Millions followed our journey with my daughter, bella, but now it's time to go beyond the headlines and highlight reels to those raw, real moments I haven't shared anywhere else. So are you ready to go beyond brave? Let's dive in. So are you ready?
Speaker 2:to go beyond brave, let's dive in, but if you want to be perfect, you can make it perfect.
Speaker 1:Okay, I can start. Let's start with how we start. Every pod is. If you are watching our pod, I like to do a little googly eye hunt, because that was a thing that was Bella and I's jam.
Speaker 2:So if you're watching and you just tuned in, you can search for the googly eye hunt, because that was a thing that was Bella and I's jam. So if you're watching and you just tuned in, you can search for the googly eyes that would be on YouTube on YouTube.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's the only video we are uploading right now. Yeah, videos on YouTube. So googly eyes and if we want to talk about how I look right now, I look like I'm wearing a quilt this is your favorite topic oh yeah, this is my favorite. I'm always cold. Where's my always cold girl?
Speaker 1:he's at right right uh, so I'm a collaborator and partner with Ron McDonald House Canada and they had sent me this cozy quilt sweater by Canadian artist Brini you can follow her on Instagram at Brini, and she is in collaboration with this campaign for McCafe in support of Ronald McDonald House Canada Charities. So it is the card I received. I'll just read it. There is no cozier feeling than wrapping up in your favorite quilt and enjoying a delicious cup of coffee. What if you take this feeling to the next level and help families with sick children at the same time? All December long, $1 from the purchase of McCafe at-home coffee products will be donated directly to RMHC Canada, up to $100,000. And of course, I am, and Bella was, always a huge advocate for RMHC, especially our home RMHC Canada. I was looking at this quilt today by Brainy. She is an amazing artist. I follow her a lot.
Speaker 2:So you've said quilt, but I don't think we've described it yet.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, describe For our listeners and our non-hers.
Speaker 2:You are wearing a quilt.
Speaker 1:Literally wearing a quilt, but it's a bunny hug or a hoodie. A hoodie we're wearing a quilt, literally wearing a quilt, but it's a bunny hug or a hoodie. A hoodie, yeah, if you're from saskatchewan, we say bunny hug, it's a hoodie. It's a sweatshirt with a hood on it. What are the other names for bunny hugs?
Speaker 2:I don't know, but it looks like a picnic blanket that's been sewn into.
Speaker 1:Uh, it is can we just talk about how flipping soft this is. It's like velvety soft and it's quilt sick and it's so cozy. Oh, I love it. And then I was looking at it. I was looking at the artist, the artistry on it, from brienne, and there is a word on the back that says can you read what it says for me? Do you remember what does it say? Uh, yeah, espoir espoir yeah which I looked up and it's french for hope.
Speaker 2:Oh cute, yeah, one in this and me one I know well, see didn't they see, I had like almost 4 000 people on my instagram.
Speaker 1:That moves the needle right well, I do still need to make a reel and a tiktok with us in promo for this campaign, so you want to be in it maybe be in it.
Speaker 2:I don't think I can. I don't have a quilt to wear well we can.
Speaker 1:I can take different shots of me in it and then you in it. And yeah, I have a couple ideas. I was actually going to, I have a couple ideas for whalen and I, but I could allow you, I suppose no, I, that's not my thing, you know, I don't mind it. I don't mind it here oh, and you're wearing a jim pattison's t. Represent there I am.
Speaker 2:I like how you always tell especially jim pattison is the children's hospital in saskatchewan yes, it's our children's hospital. It started being built the month bella was born and we were in ruh and we got to see them like she was born and we were in RUH and we got to see them like she was born and they're like oh shit, we better get building the children's hospital.
Speaker 1:I need to like oh, my gosh, that is basically like I thought about that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're like oh, and did you know what else I just found out? I just saw this on the news like yesterday, we finally have a gastroenterologist, a gi specialist, in saskatchewan, again for pediatrics. Good, we didn't have one when bella was born had one I know a lot of gi families, of course because that was like largest um medical issue that led to her bowel transplant and so it was a real big deal that we didn't have a gi specialist in saskatchewan, especially since our new children's hospital was built and completed in 2019 yeah and I know a lot of families that needed one desperately, like we always had to go out of province Alberta and Toronto for the GI specialist.
Speaker 2:Which wasn't a huge undertaking for us. I mean, we got to go to a natural facility because the children's hospital wasn't here yet. It was just a longer drive.
Speaker 1:I wouldn't downplay it. I wouldn't downplay it. I mean we maybe I feel like. I mean our MH, I feel like I'm I mean our RMHC is our home away from home. That always made things easier to travel, but that is a big weight to travel with a sick child. Bella was also our first child, so we didn't have to tag along other little kiddos. You know big families and traveling to Whoops. I should silence my phone notification for Krista. Krista. She's like what are you talking about tonight? I told her she's like.
Speaker 2:She texted me she's gonna love this. I should have texted the other two she's gonna love.
Speaker 1:It was katherine krista just texted me and she said that a friend of yours a friend of mine, um kyla. I love the pod. You and lyle are so great. I said, oh, thanks, we're about to record more episodes. She's like, oh, what's this one going to be about?
Speaker 2:and uh, she's just clamoring for a shout out oh, totally, and now she has one, that's okay.
Speaker 1:I said well, we're working on. Uh, you know more. Q a oh yeah. And she's like oh, I love Q&A. Okay, and then Catherine chimed in Hold on, we'll get back to my, we'll get back to our story.
Speaker 2:Shiny red ball.
Speaker 1:Shiny red ball. Catherine chimed in. Catherine, I love listening to it, but I have cried a couple times in my office. She says oh, love the conversations, especially the ones around grief counseling and uh yeah, oh, my sweet little friends texting me going with the jim patterson's get back on track, get me back on track, get me back on track it.
Speaker 1:we were talking about the, the lack of gi specialists, and and then you had mentioned kind of along the lines like it wasn't a big deal that we had to travel out of province when I was like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, it's a big deal to some families. It's really hard, especially when you do it for years and years and years.
Speaker 2:I mean, for us it wasn't as bad as it would be for most other people, because we do live pretty close to Calgary. Well, not close, but not as, but not as, yeah, calgary's like a six hour drive.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I guess that sounds a lot well and there's. No, it's not faster to fly because we're in swift current. So you either drive to the airport, which is two or three hours, and you wait in the airport and fly, which is another two to four hours, whereas we can just get in our car and go, and that's five to six hours logistics always fun logistics are always fun.
Speaker 2:And then toronto is a three-hour flight was that a q a on your sheet mate?
Speaker 1:no, this was just. This is just something. We where is left car?
Speaker 2:I just google it. Yeah, yeah, your mic off, hello oh, what do I need? Back it off am I too loud?
Speaker 1:there you go see, I felt, like in our last episodes, that I was too quiet oh, okay especially when we were kind of like bantering back and forth and I felt like my voice kind of trailed off. So I was like, oh, maybe my mic was too far away you, it's probably, you're probably right though okay, I'm not sure.
Speaker 1:And okay so, where I was going with Jim Patterson's hospital, what we were talking about is that they now I just saw on the news like yesterday we now have a GI specialist, which is amazing because there's so many families, and that was the main reason why we had to travel out of province for Bella's medical care A big reason. There was lots of reasons, but that was one of the big ones. Yeah, so I'm happy for our families, our close families that we know that desperately need one close to home, and so that's awesome for our children's hospital in saskatoon, saskatchewan, canada cool yeah, that was a little bunny trail there.
Speaker 1:Uh, who says that?
Speaker 2:I don't people that say bunny hugs if you, if you spend enough time around kyle, you'll realize that she says things that she thinks other people like that's a thing. People say that's not. I don't think that's a thing.
Speaker 1:People say well, and this is why I have you in my life.
Speaker 2:This is why I need you no, that's awful because you're like wait. Wait a minute, honey.
Speaker 1:Bring you down. People might not know that Right, like with abbreviations or what do I always say? Like acronyms and you're like, people don't always know what acronym you're talking about.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:But that's. The medical world is all acronyms.
Speaker 2:Or who Krista is Right. Everyone knows who my friends are.
Speaker 1:Krista is Right. Everyone knows who my friends are. Krista is my friend. Okay, catherine is my friend.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, lyle is my husband. If anybody's wondering like who's this?
Speaker 2:guy she's talking to I think that's helpful.
Speaker 1:Okay, good, okay, because you're going to notice in my intro that I added a little bit more about us.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:Which I thought would be helpful for people just chiming in or just like you know. Okay, first discussion I wanted for tonight was a little bit of a how to lesson that I thought our listeners might appreciate. Oh yeah, I did read that. Did you read that? Especially listeners like me that are not very like up and up? They just click, play and they go, which is fine, but I enjoyed looking into this and learning and figuring out a way to tell you all how to do this, me being in your shoes, being like how would I like someone to explain this to me, because I need to do this to help other podcasts that I want to support. A quick howto for new to podcast listening listeners. On spotify, for example, this is a how to follow, set notifications, rate and write a review.
Speaker 2:Oh, I didn't read this.
Speaker 1:That's a little self-indulgent no, no, because we always just say it. We always just say it. And then I find myself oh what? What do you mean? Let's just reach over here like you're gonna edit what I'm about to say no, I don't want to edit you but I found myself when I listen to other podcasts.
Speaker 2:I'll do that post-production okay, speaking of you no I have to say go with what you're saying remind me to come back to post-production edits, because we have an issue don't let me forget.
Speaker 1:Don't let me forget. Don't let me forget. Okay, I found myself listening to other podcasts and I thought, okay, I'm not being a very supportive podcast listener because I don't know how to rate their podcast set, reminders, download, et cetera, et cetera. So I wanted to come up with a little how to. So, if you're new to podcast listening, you want to support podcasts you like. This is how you do that. So, for example, on like spotify, most podcast platforms there's symbols that are straightforward way to. Are you laughing?
Speaker 1:I just can't believe that you're explaining this right now I am a teacher by trade and there might be someone out there like me. Maybe there's a lot of people out there like me, anyways, okay. Anyways, the symbols are the where you want to go, depending on the platform you're using. So, to follow and subscribe, you look for the little plus sign for following. You want to follow a podcast and that helps you, okay, so you receive notifications when they get put on a new episode?
Speaker 1:yes, yeah, very simple. Tap the little plus sign. That means you're following them. Okay, uh, on some flat part, some platforms, it might say subscribe instead of follow. Okay, to make sure you're receiving notifications, there's a little bell icon, little ding-a-ling-a-ding-a-bell. Okay, this is the notification button. Tap it and it turns on reminders for you. Right, it's some things I actually don't know. The star icon on spotify, specifically when you see the star shape you have to click the three dots and then hit the star okay to rate the podcast.
Speaker 1:Scroll to the top of the podcast page or to the about section and tap the star icon and leave a rating out of five stars three dots, then the star, okay uh, write a review also very helpful, which I don't think we've mentioned on apple podcasts.
Speaker 1:On apple podcasts, scroll down to the ratings and review section of the show's page, where you'll see an option to leave a written review. Okay, there, the torture is over for you. I'm done. There are people out there like me, okay, that need these explained that, rather not be like they could be looking at their phone right now being like, oh, that's what that's for, that's what that does. No, you're right thank you, kyla, yeah I think that's a great idea.
Speaker 2:I'm absolutely supportive of you okay thank you. Thank you, your eyes say otherwise next episode I'm gonna run through a Microsoft Excel tutorial.
Speaker 1:Oh dear.
Speaker 2:God, yeah, that's what I'll do. No, because that's super helpful, okay.
Speaker 1:I need to catch my breath for a minute. That was really traumatizing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you have no idea what it is. I don't want to sit through that. It's okay.
Speaker 1:Listen, I feel like a lot of our community.
Speaker 2:Hey, you know, the people that are listening Need this.
Speaker 1:Well, especially since I just did that poll on my Instagram stories around the four options of listeners for our podcast and I was so sad because the first option was haven't listened yet.
Speaker 2:I think that's a great.
Speaker 1:Well, it's great. But then it's like, ok yeah, maybe they haven't listened yet because they don't, they're not like into podcasts, or they're new to podcasts, or like they don't want to search a podcast.
Speaker 2:You know I've noticed a lot of people that have written and, like I wasn't in the podcast, I'm trying it out and this is cool. Yeah exactly yeah, trying it out and this is cool. Yeah, exactly yeah, yeah, you are, I think, because trying to help them yeah, yeah, I think that way I also.
Speaker 1:It's my teacher brain right, like I kind of think like okay, if someone's learning something new, how can I help?
Speaker 2:them. Shut up, lyle, I'm trying to learn here. Yeah, keep into this, just like. Yeah, go with me to school. It was like that for everyone for 12 years. Wow, just shut up, I'm trying to learn I'm trying to learn.
Speaker 1:Oh, you're that kid in the class we both were.
Speaker 2:That's true. I was never. I was in the hallway yeah same.
Speaker 1:Yeah, mine was for being loud I was a distraction oh yeah, remember when our whole family was. It's not my fault. I'm a distraction well, and it's not my fault I was blessed with this loud teacher voice. I mean, I became a teacher, so yeah, I put it to you.
Speaker 2:That's why I didn't think you needed to pull the mic so close to you. It's like the probably the first anyone's ever blamed you being too quiet okay, I hope.
Speaker 1:Well, that was myself too. So, who knows, you can ask denny later and be like denny what's you know when you're editing. Yeah, that's, that's my voice. Am I too loud, too soft? Right now it's like.
Speaker 2:You're good to go.
Speaker 1:Girl measurement. Here I'm like putting my fingers from my chin to the microphone. It's like three inches. It's like three inches, but yours is like a foot away? No, it's way more than three inches. Oh, oh, my word.
Speaker 2:Go ahead Moving on.
Speaker 1:This is a G-rated show, okay, okay, after my little how-to session, I then wanted to carry on with a lot of our questions from my Instagram community, and the first one is how do we want or don't want people to say to us, how do we?
Speaker 1:come again hold on, let me, okay. What is it that we would typically want people to say to us, like in public, as bereaved parents, like when we run into people in public, or that sort of thing, or what do we not want people to say to us? And this was a real good question from my friend, becca, who was like I really want to know what to say, what not to say, and she's like I think that'd be great topic for you guys to talk about.
Speaker 2:So I asked you that question specifically, face to face in the parking lot on a really funny thing to ask you.
Speaker 1:I know.
Speaker 2:And it's like do you want me to tell you right now?
Speaker 1:What do you want me to tell you right now? I'm seeing you in front of me.
Speaker 2:One thing do not ever ask that question.
Speaker 1:What are you doing?
Speaker 2:You could have freaked her out. Really bad. Just walk away. You would never say that again.
Speaker 1:How dare you, how dare you?
Speaker 2:She would have just crumbled I know. Oh no, poor little heart, what did I do? Yeah, it's a really good question. I did read that, yeah, before. Um, yeah, I think go first. Sure, I think, okay, and I have often thought about that too, and I, and when I saw that, or before I read the question, I've thought about this too, and because I have lots of friends and family that have lost people really close to them as well Everyone has that in their lives, people like that, and I'm like, oh, I probably could have talked about them, the people that they lost more. I could have said their name more. It's not, you know, yeah, you could potentially upset them, but they're not going to be upset at you. I guarantee that person is their favorite topic.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yes, okay, that is how you feel.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, and especially when it's fresh.
Speaker 2:But you know, this is coming from two people that started a podcast dedicated to talking about their daughter, so this is how we feel.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah.
Speaker 2:I can't imagine someone losing someone and you know, after a certain amount of time, where they're, you know, able to leave the house, that they're able to talk about that person that they lost. Yeah, yeah, that they're able to talk about that person that they lost.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, whatever stage you're at from your loved ones, from losing your loved one, whether it's years, whether it's weeks or months, keep, keep this, this advice for any time, whether it's like 10 years down the road or whether it's like a month, or whenever that person is ready to go out in public. It could be their first time out in public, could be their second, their third, their fourth. I think this carries on and this matters for however long that you that you are grieving, you know I don't want people to think, oh, it's been, it's been a year, uh, I don't. Kyla's probably sick of people bringing up this or that, or bella, bella, you know, like topics around her passing versus just topics around her and good memories and whatnot. It's like no, just say her name, bring up the memories or anything or anything. Yeah, like, just don't stop and don't not don't tiptoe around it, yeah don't tiptoe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I also said like um, I wanted to bring up our I call them quote unquote our drive-by, hellos or drive by sorry, you just said okay, so you made me write down post-production.
Speaker 2:What did you write that down From Remember Way?
Speaker 1:I even wrote down the reminder You've got to write down words that I said, so I remember no no, no, because earlier on in our conversation Editing yeah, it was the word edit.
Speaker 2:So in post-production, because you just said the word um and there's a little feature on the software to be like oh, we'll take out the ums and we'll put in just a little gap, so yeah, which we did with episode four. And then I tried that and then every time it replaced the um it left in the gap, but the gap was like yeah, that's what it did.
Speaker 1:I was actually blowing into the mic and it sounds like you're blowing on tea, which in the first episode or two we had out. I did actually have tea down here and I thought you had tea too. I think that I stole your tea and I was drinking it, but anyways, I was like did he have tea in this episode? Why does he keep blowing his tea? Because it's like.
Speaker 2:Every so often it's like yeah, so it was a gap that they digitally put in and they say that that's like the room noise, but it didn't match our actual room noise.
Speaker 1:No, so yeah, and I think leaving the ums in OK. So, number one, if you say um and whatever, sometimes it just helps the flow of the conversation and people know you're thinking yes, you don't want to say it like every second word, that would be annoying. You don't want to say it like every second word, that would be annoying, but also it's. When you're just constantly thinking about that, then you, for me, you lose your train of thought. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, okay back to what I was saying. We have a little bit of trouble with train of thought around here.
Speaker 1:But that's okay.
Speaker 2:on the podcast, though, we not just me, and I think you're right, it makes it, you know, entertaining.
Speaker 1:And sometimes there's like when you're talking in in, you're in a good conversation and something comes up and you don't forget to say it. You don't have to forget, right? You can write it down and be like, oh, we gotta bring that up later. That's a good topic, talk about it anyways. Yeah, yeah, what were we talking about?
Speaker 2:yeah, okay, I have it right here in front of me I don't know drive by hellos we were saying like what we would or wouldn't want people to say, you're shopping at the mall and this can remind you of it oh, this is so funny.
Speaker 1:Yes, so it happened to us twice at the mall shopper. That's krista shopping at the mall and this lady like there's people that stop you, which?
Speaker 1:is kind of awesome. Yes, um, there's. There's two. There's goods and bads about people like full-on, like stopping you.
Speaker 1:If you're like me and you're an outgoing person and you're okay with like you're an extrovert and you don't mind interacting with people socially a lot on socials or in real life, that's okay. But if you're a newly bereaved parent, you probably don't want people stopping you for multiple conversations in a public place when you're just already maybe like exhausted or just like anxious about public, anxious about public kind of thing or whatever. But for those people it what I really like this this lady had like walked by me in the mall and you could tell like I was walking one way, she was walking the other and you could tell that she was excited to see me and just say I love you, I love what you're doing, I follow you. And she said it as she was walking by me because she's kind of at a distance on the other side of the of the mall and she's like waving with this big smile like I follow you, love you, keep doing what?
Speaker 1:you're doing and just kept walking and I was like, thank you, just kept walking. It was like that was the sweetest little exchange, yeah. And then it happened to get at the rink, uh, when we were driving finding a spot to park for Wayland's hockey. And another uh, mom who I later I found her message on Instagram and she did the same thing in her car, so we were in our car and she was in hers, going opposite directions. She's just waving, and then she like, did like a, like a, like a hand gesture like I, I love you, or something it's like she put it in her eye, then she put it in her chest, then she put it in me and it was so cute and sweet.
Speaker 1:It was just like those are the best. I love those yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, but you made it sound like people that were coming up to you were upsetting you, and I don't think that has been the case whatsoever yet at all. You just worry that there could be somebody that.
Speaker 1:I just want to put myself in shoes of someone who's not well like. What if you're? What if you lose your child and you're in your hometown community and you go to walmart for the first time because you need to get something that you just can't get online or whatever, and you right, because maybe you don't want to be in public, and that's just like.
Speaker 1:I don't know, that's like me, that was like me yeah, yeah, and it's like oh, okay, pause, you can talk. Well, I'll keep going. I'll keep going, you go handle, okay. So Waylon is upstairs and he's a little. You can hear us, maybe we will come up. Okay, I'm going to keep talking. Solo episode with me. Guys, this is the first time I've talked to you all by myself. Hello, I'm waving at you. Okay, I'm going to carry on this conversation because Lyle is going to go help our son, waylon, who is six and supposed to be sleeping, but for some reason he's up.
Speaker 1:I was going to go on to say that in in talking with what you would maybe, after losing your loved one, want people to say to you when you see someone out in public I, I had noted that it's great if you can bring up memories. Um, the drive-by hellos are great, like I just talked about. Uh, in particular with Bella, you know I love hearing how she inspired someone or how she had helped you or someone you know get through something really hard. I've had lots of medical parents and even not medical parents just tell me how Bella had helped their little one with a hospital visit or a doctor visit or something that was difficult for them, and knowing Bella inspired them and helped them through that. And knowing Bella inspired them and helped them through that, I would say a don't would be try not to draw us into long conversations. I think for me, if I was to put my shoes, put myself in other people's shoes, I would want to think about the energy that they are lacking at that time where it's like the energy is just not even there to keep a conversation. Uh, you're just like out in public to get done what you need to get done and then you just want to go back home and kind of hermitize a little bit.
Speaker 1:Uh, I think, in saying that, the energy that I'm talking about comes from having to put on a face, having to put on a smile, and I know lots of people tell you like, okay, no, you don't have to put on a face, having to put on a smile, and I know lots of people will tell you like, okay, no, you don't have to put on a face, you don't have to this, that and the other thing. But for me it's I also, I cherish a heart of gratitude and when someone comes up to me and they want to tell me about their love of Bella, I want to be thankful for that. I am very thankful for that and I don't want to rush that away. But it is hard to hold up that energy to look someone in the eye, to nod, to have a conversation. I think it's just as a bereaved parent or someone who has lost a loved one. You might not understand the energy that gets drawn out of you in ways you've never really experienced or could imagine. It's hard just being in public in general when you have grief, and I would also say another good point to this would. Another good bit of advice would be don't ask how are you, but instead make statements like I've been thinking of you, hoping you're well, it's good to see you. Those are a little bit easier where it's. The questions force you to answer and sometimes you just don't have that energy. So it's nice if someone just leaves you with a statement like I'm thinking about you, I hope you're doing okay, I'm thinking about you. Just wanted to say hello, just wanted to say I'm thinking about you. Thought of Bella today when I saw this beautiful pink dress in the store, or something like a statement versus a question. I find this a little bit easier to handle when you're out in public as a person grieving a loss of a loved one.
Speaker 1:Okay, on to the next question I have. This is from Sydney. Sydney had wrote in on my Instagram and said how did you, how did Lyle and yourself make it through tough times? And I think I would definitely love to wait for Lyle to get back downstairs before I continue to answer that question. I'm going to save that for him and I'm going to. We're going to get into that and we're going to get into how we keep positive after receiving heavy news and blows from doctors, and then next, after that, we're going to get into how, as parents with multiple practitioners for Bella, like doctors and nurses and specialists, especially with difficult conversations did Bella's medical team members communicate in a helpful way, or could communicate communication be improved, specifically when dealing with prognosis or goals, goals of care?
Speaker 1:Hey, how did things go? Good? Is he? Is he going to be okay? Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, it's great, okay, good, is he just hungry again? No, no, I finished the first question there and then just went on. Oh gosh, say jack, our cat that loves to sit on our laps is here. So we're going to test out my cat theory. Do you guys remember that? When I said when I thought that, say Jack, he's like the worst background noise.
Speaker 2:Denny can text it. Cat just came in, it got let in and now crawling all over Kyla's lap. This is Say Jack and he is our.
Speaker 1:We have Kyla's lap, and this is Sajak, and he is our. We have three cats right now. Sajak is our oldest, he's probably like 10. And he's an outdoor cat. Anyways, he is the most lovey, like he needs to sit on you, look on you. He needs to be petted, he needs you, but he needs with his claws and it's really painful, painful, but he is all love. Uh, scotty is our little kitten that flies around the house and she's shy and little and you never hear or see her. And roger is our big, floofy, majestic boy who is white, white. Um, apparently we only have cats on the gray scale yeah, I guess so.
Speaker 2:So where are we at?
Speaker 1:we are at the next question that I I wanted to wait for you and you had perfect timing, so it is how. This is a question from sydney. How did lyle and yourself make it through tough times?
Speaker 2:I think it was really uh, well, I shouldn't say easy, but it was. We adapted correctly. I can't imagine going through it without you. Yeah, I mean, with the distance that we are apart for so long, you know, five, six hundred kilometers. That's a lot of managing and and way we have Waylon and Bella and so and and careers that we had to keep, you know, going. It was and we had to adapt and it just without you it wouldn't have worked at all. Like I don't, I don't we.
Speaker 2:There's no time, there's no time to squabble like well, sure, I mean we might like everyone else yeah but I mean, maybe there was just a, there were the, there was so much purpose with keeping, maintaining things and keeping things together. It didn't work about. It wouldn't work without the two of us that's right.
Speaker 1:Even even before Waylon I it it's hard to even imagine. I have always said I don't know how can you hear him? The cat experiment is over, okay it's not a shiny red ball, it's a black, soft, fuzzy cat. I have always said I I do not know how single parents do that, let alone medical single parents. And it's just like I. Yes, I have supportive family and yes, I have supportive friends. Uh, but to be a single parent, I just can't even imagine on the regular, let alone medical parents.
Speaker 1:I there's a lot that do do it there's a lot that do it, and I mean the, the amount of times we got asked like how are you two still married? Like the amount, like I mean there's signs all over every children's hospital like we will not tolerate domestic violence, like yelling, like that's in those high, high stress situations. Yeah, there probably is a lot of that, a lot of breakdowns, a lot of breakdowns, a lot of a lot of breakdowns a lot of like resentment, maybe frustration and forced interaction forced interaction.
Speaker 1:Yeah and yeah, you, you get to your breaking point, I think with us, when either of us got to our breaking point it I don't know how to explain it other than love.
Speaker 1:When you see someone you love suffering, you want to help pick them up, and you always did that for me and I would see ways that you would suffer. No, you weren't always in the hospital like I was, but you were also at home, missing your daughter that you didn't get to see for weeks on end because you're trying to keep our house running and your job going and our acreage going and your business going. You know, like trying to keep a job, and I just never understood how you could basically bite the hand that feeds you. In a sense, it's like okay, my husband is doing all he can on this and it always seemed to like equally weigh what I tried to keep up in hospital and I always saw it like that and I was just like I could not. I don't care how mad or frustrated or annoyed I got with you. There was no way I could walk this road without you, right and and like. That's just the way it was in my head.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's definitely like a big purpose, like I don't want to say a greater purpose, but yeah, exactly, we also happen to love each other.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm sure, I'm sure If we didn't, it wouldn't have worked that way. So, yeah, yeah, that has to be there. Yeah, uh. And then I think maybe, yeah, when we had hard times between ourselves this, this other, you know purpose really did rear its head and make you think I gotta just suck it up, I gotta say sorry because there's so much on the line here that like, yeah, you just gotta suck it up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, those times I think I think some tactical like ideas or advice that really helped us make it through together was we were always very, very in tune with how each other was was feeling and we were always very vocal about what each other needed. It was like I know, even our conversations we, you would say to me okay, don't start the conversation with this Cause, this makes me feel this way. And I'd be like, oh okay, I get it, I understand that you know like, don't start, you know I would be slow to start and be like so and you'd be like, oh okay, I get it, I understand that you know like, don't start, you know I would be slow to start and be like so and you'd be like is Bella okay, like number one?
Speaker 1:every phone call, is it okay? Yeah, because you would have to sit in silence sometimes, and whereas I was just in it constantly 24 7 um, you were on the oh.
Speaker 2:We kind of talked about that in the last podcast. It was like, yeah, when your dad phones you, what's wrong? Yeah, yeah, you're just, you're phoning every time you phone me. Yeah, oh, are you phoning me in the middle of the afternoon? Yeah, what's wrong? Like we'll just spit it out. Yeah, is she okay? Say that first.
Speaker 1:Yeah, fairy thing first yeah, and we talk a lot about how we are very different in our. In our, we talk about it, we kind of make fun of each other for it too, and we accept. We accept it as the way we are. We don't accept things as faults. Like you and I joke a lot about me being very empathetic, very storyteller, very uh, you know, kind of slow going sometimes and get the lead out very like eeyore and you're very digger and you would think.
Speaker 1:But I mean lots of people say opposites attract. Uh, distance makes the heart grow fonder, like we're, like a testament to both of those yeah, distance definitely.
Speaker 2:Uh, it's something I mean because we are spending quite a bit of time together right now and but we're doing okay, like, but also this is yeah we are doing okay. Thanks, I thought we were doing better than okay, but we do you know what?
Speaker 1:no, I do, I do, I do, I. I mean that too. This is very therapeutic, like this new experience. This new podcast experience is so therapeutic and I love it?
Speaker 2:oh, I just meant spending like the last you know six months at home oh yeah you know, not racing off to work and just being in it and, yes, taking you know this time to just be peaceful, yeah, like and chill, yeah, it's helpful, but uh, yeah, yeah it's okay, I guess.
Speaker 1:All right, I meant that like the best, okay I could, I mean, given the circumstances, oh, we're not like murdering each other after living together every day, 24 hours a day. We're actually doing really good for that.
Speaker 2:I just thought, considering the circumstances of exactly where we are, yeah, we are doing just okay. Yeah, I get it.
Speaker 1:Or looking back into, like when COVID hit and you could not, you were like I am not working from home.
Speaker 2:You're like I need to get out of this. That would be like, yeah, okay, if I wasn't't, you know, really grieving and, yeah, trying to piece my life together. Yeah, yeah, covid is a good example of what I am like. Yeah, in a normal headspace. Yeah, I was not you really know, yeah, I remember doing oh yeah, because I was manager and we had to work from home and everyone was here. Yeah, I phoned my boss. I'm like no, it's not happening, the office is empty.
Speaker 2:I'm going back he's like yeah, yeah like it's been two days I remember the when I first moved my stuff we work from home yeah, I put it in the basement and right at the same time it was master's tournament, like golf, like oh, this is gonna be okay, I get to work and watch masters. But then I'm like, no, but then there's it, just wore off. I'm like you know, this is not for me.
Speaker 1:You were so accessible and I was like, yay, I love it. Yeah, no, anything else we want to chat about how we got through tough times. I remember you. I remember I mean I went to my doctor and like this is how this happened. And me going to mental health talk therapy, getting tools from that for myself through PTSD, like medically complex PTSD. That also really helped you. Although those meetings were with me and my mental health nurse, the tools I received from that really helped you. In a sense, I feel like being able to do that gave me the tools to help myself where I feel like with the trauma and everything living in hospital. So much of me was like almost like clawing at you for help when you, you know, do you remember that?
Speaker 2:yeah, I think a lot of it then was like this crippling anxiety that you're going through. Yeah, it was. I wouldn't even call it anxiety. You were just a deer in headlights half the time yeah and you know them labeling it as ptsd well, it did get crippling at one point when it couldn't even drive yeah, but I mean that was really helpful to just be, you know kind of have a label attached to it in a certain way yeah, yeah, yeah and that was how long ago.
Speaker 2:That was like six, seven years ago yeah when you'd gotten back and bellowing, we were doing, okay, yeah, it's probably home for maybe a year. Then at that point, and you're able to take advantage of those, you know the mental those supports.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, definitely, and I just really am so happy I did that because it it it helped our relationship going as medical parents. It helped take me away from constantly looking at you for help and teaching myself to help myself, uh, in more ways to give. Take that load off of you. Yeah, because I think a lot of couples struggle like that could be. Maybe the reason why this question was because I think a lot of couples struggle Like that could be. Maybe the reason why this question was asked is like a lot of couples are maybe just like why aren't you helping me more? Why aren't you doing more for this, more of this for me? Why don't you play this part and do this and do that? I am going through enough where it's like wait a minute, what parts on that list can you actually do yourself, what can you absolutely take on yourself or do yourself and what can you absolutely not sift through that?
Speaker 2:and well, yeah, there's a part. There's the opposite side to that, where I think, probably like most men, you, I'm not explaining to you what I'm going through, I'm just yeah, you know it takes, I'm, I don't have no energy to even explain it. So and then we get very logical right and it's like why would I explain it to you? You can't fix that exact yeah thing, but I, you know, I don't have that. Yeah, I have a better understanding now that just talking to you does help yeah, yeah, or getting that perspective you know, 10 years, eight years ago, I would.
Speaker 2:I just wouldn't want to waste the energy of telling you about how I feel. Yeah, because I. How are you going to fix this problem? Yeah, how are you going to fix that problem?
Speaker 1:but it's not about that yeah, and it's very hard to when you're in such a high stress state. As a woman, I find it's so hard to accept things in a logical format. It's you need it with grace, you need it with emotion, you need it with empathy, and I think learning how to express myself and express what I need and what I can do for myself really helped me and I think that helped us in part too, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and accessing those? Yeah, you know, I'm not a mental health professional. No well, I know there's a reason.
Speaker 1:There must be a reason why they exist yeah, yeah that was good definitely uh, number three, if we're going with the numbers on my notes yeah, it's working how did we keep?
Speaker 2:what was number two?
Speaker 1:number two was oh, yeah, yeah yeah, the very last one, the one we just asked how do we keep our, how do we make it through tough times? Number three how do we keep positive after receiving heavy news and blows from doctors constantly? Uh, the person asking this had said I feel pain and anger taking over a lot of my days. How do we keep positive when we constantly received heavy news, hard news, blow after blow, and I just that that brings up all the memories of like okay, she had another surgery, she recovered, she fought through all those setbacks, she's back home and, boom, hey, this isn't working back in hospital again.
Speaker 2:How do we stay positive through that? That's a tough question. I think a lot of it was saying that guiding light. You know Bella couldn't. You had to be positive for her. You couldn't drag her down. It was already rough enough on her. Yeah, you had to make the environment positive for her. You couldn't drag her down. It was already rough enough on her. Yeah, you had to make the environment positive for her. So you tricked yourself into being happy, right?
Speaker 1:almost like exposure therapy delusion delusion, delusion yourself.
Speaker 2:This is okay. It's like that gift of the guy sipping on the cup of coffee and the house is burning up the dog yeah, this is fire in the background. This is fine?
Speaker 1:No, it's fine, I love that meme.
Speaker 2:It's that it's that Delude yourself.
Speaker 1:Delude. I noticed I used a lot of humor. I use a lot of humor and I think I also I put myself in others' shoes a lot. I mean I lived in hospital. It was constantly around me seeing other kids suffering like Bella had suffered, and also just living in the hospital. And then I would always look at the nurses coming in and out of her room every day and the doctors and medical staff, the cleaning staff and I think they have to see this every day, like I do. They have to see kids going through pain. There's kids going through pain. There's kids going through pain. There's their parents. I saw that every day and I would think, okay, they're going through this too.
Speaker 1:And so for me, a big part of how I kept positive was just telling myself to not complain. I really I knew Bella had every reason to complain. I would never say like, don't complain. But for myself, I think a way I stayed positive was I told myself I learned why I could not complain.
Speaker 1:And it was because that first couple years in hospital, because that first couple years in hospital, especially where I came to know personally Bella would I mean, she was a toddler but she would be friends and I would come to know families that lost their kids and never got to bring them home, or I would be beside you know another mom whose kid is, you know code blue, and they go to pick you and I never see them on the ward again.
Speaker 1:That stopped me in my tracks and from then on I'm like okay, not only do I need to buck up, be delusional and put on that good old poker face for Bella, but I also need to not complain because I, my, my, my kiddos living and breathing in front of me right now, and she's pushing through and it's hard, but she's still here, I still get to hold her, still get to take her home. And that was a big like changer for life changer for me. Sorry, keep moving my microphone, that's okay, I think that's. You know really where my my, where my mind was like okay, you need to be positive, yeah, in this way for your daughter and for all the other mamas and dads and caregivers out there that you know have it worse right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, how do I follow that? I agree, I mean, I agree, I mean I never. I think we also tried to definitely put time aside and reward ourselves and, like when we had the chance to to go enjoy ourselves and go watch a movie, or we would, we would take that every time we had to get ourselves out of it, and when you were alone in hospital and I was, you know, five hours away, you would still, you would put yourself out there to take advantage of, you know, the activities that were offered to you. You did a lot better job of that than I probably would have. If, if roles were reversed and you were at home and I was at the hospital and going back to the Ronald McDonald house, I probably would have spiraled a little bit worse because I'm not as outgoing as you and so it probably would have got really lonely and you managed, you know, to make friends wherever you are.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so yeah, there was something else with that, but next question, next question. Okay, next question. This is a good one, this is a good one. Are you not telling, saying who wrote them, or are you the ones that I have a name for?
Speaker 1:I will, yeah, yeah yeah, so it didn't make fun of that I was like no, I was just joking the last one wanted to remain anonymous as parents with multiple practitioners for bella, so she had lots medical like. I think at one point she had 30 different specialties between like resp and gi and maybe total over the course oh yeah, and then, well, I remember, you know I had my binder and we'd be in hospital and have a list. You know, ot, pt, respirology, gi surgery, what else is there?
Speaker 2:uh, child life bi 11 7 that's not pulmonary what are these things?
Speaker 1:lungs, heart, bowels, everything. Anyway, she had a lot of different practitioners nurses, as well as doctors, of course, with the difficult conversations. Did Bella's medical team members communicate in a helpful way or could their communication be improved, especially when dealing with the prognosis for Bella or goals for her care? Did you always find them communicating really well with us in a helpful way, or were there times where communication was like not great?
Speaker 2:I think you found the good communicators and you kind of worked through them a lot, right, so Bella did have they. They work as a team. I think most hospitals operate. They need to work as a team, but in that team there are people that are just way better communicators than other people and you spot them in rounds.
Speaker 1:Okay, that guy there's still a lot of herding cats.
Speaker 2:You had to learn the system and the rounds order of rounds to eliminate the game of telephone ruining communication but then you, but you would get the attention of that one that you seem to get, that heat that they may seem to you know, and because they all have they're all doctors or they are, they all have their own specialties and they're they'll make. They'll admit that they don't know exactly what that is or that is or that is, but they're able to, um, kind of round things together because as a parent, you you're not the specialist either, so you just need someone to kind of give you the gist of it, but then also keeping good contact. And in those teams there's usually a good communicator or two that you would leverage. And then there's also, like the all. Then there's head nurses that would be in charge of different specialties, that were always good communicators.
Speaker 2:That's why they were in that position, yeah, and so, yeah, they're not the, the GI doctor, but they work with them all the time and they're in that position to talk to you because they are good communicators and they can, they understand enough of it to communicate it to you. They're not going to choose exactly what to do to Bella or what, what to you know change, what medication is, but they know why they're doing those things and and they're telling you, yeah, I also relied on my nurse that I had that day too to I would talk to her and I learned talking to our nurse because they're the first ones there right before rounds.
Speaker 1:They help you with rounds and I I would always say uh to that nurse uh and look, we're gonna go through some shit today.
Speaker 2:I need you on the same page as me. Buckle up, buckle up.
Speaker 1:This is what's gonna happen. The rounds are gonna start and I need you to get in the no but yeah, we would kind of have that like okay break, but we would have that chat before rounds and, um, they some of them would communicate with me like I'm here to advocate for you. What are you worried about? What do you want them, the doctors at rounds, to address and not forget, or this or that, the other thing?
Speaker 1:And because sometimes you know like rounds would happen in the morning and you might not get another chance to see that doctor until two in the afternoon or 4 pm or the next day, and when your child is going through trial and error, different meds or changes daily, you don't have time to wait. Sometimes you just don't have time to wait. So, having that nurse communicate with me first thing in the morning, look, I'm going to advocate for you at rounds, this is what we're going to make sure gets handled today. That was really helpful. And then also, with Bella having multiple different practitioners, multiple different teams, we would have her primary team and the resident of that primary team. I think was it the resident, or I think it was the resident that was always the communicator with the team head and the nurses, and then all the other teams.
Speaker 2:They would pop in daily.
Speaker 1:They would come in daily, sometimes multiple times a day, and they were like my main point of, like primary communication and so I would tell them. I would say, look, because I had been through it, at this point I am like I'm not gonna tell you and then toggle my nurse and then tell this doctor, and then tell that doctor and tell everyone that rotates through that door, because sometimes it would be 10 people, and I'm like I'm gonna tell you once because this is all I have energy for in the morning, and then I need you, this is what I need you to, because this is all I have energy for in the morning, and then I need you. This is what I need you to know, this is what we're working on today for Bella, and take that to the team.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And communicate it.
Speaker 2:It also surprised me that they were using they were like our teams were so open to using more email. You wouldn't expect to really email between your doctor as much as you started to at first. It wasn't like 10 years ago, wasn't really like that right. You would never, right, have a chance to get your you know the whoever's email. But now it seems like they're more open towards that it's so much, it's so funny.
Speaker 1:I have a funny story around that because you know, our our whole medical journey started in 2013 and and back then it was like medical mom wasn't even a term and it was kind of like I, you know it was not to us.
Speaker 2:We didn't know.
Speaker 1:No, we didn't know but like even just being that parent with your child in hospital. I maybe it's just the type of person I was, but when we had issues right at the beginning with Bella's surgery, I didn't sit around and wait for the nurse to try and get ahold of the surgeon. I was like no, I want to talk to the surgeon. And I remember some of the nurses talking to me after and being like you would never just call that surgeon to your child's room and I would make it out to be like no, this is an issue we need to talk to face to face, because I'm not telling this person, this person, this person and eventually that terrible game of telephone gets to who I needed to get to. No, I need to talk to this person directly. And I realize now, like years later, how a ballsy that was for me as, like you know, a mom of like a one month old who's had like two surgeries and but I was like most moms take over, though, like when they yeah, you get that mama bear mentality right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't think you knew you had it in you.
Speaker 1:Yeah well, and it just wasn't like. Now it's it's family-centered care and it's like okay, we need right. You know what I mean. It's not like kind of like how dare you call the surgeon out of the you know out of his? Yeah area of wherever he is hiding two years probably in a surgery room. Like well, like it's, dr miller kyla needs you basically that's what it was, but like there was, like you know, the, the protocol in those days was like this is their clinic day, this is their surgery day.
Speaker 2:Like you don't talk to them, so over that, over those 10 years, do you think there certainly was an evolution and oh, huge evolution of communication.
Speaker 1:I know they're definitely, like you'd said, much more open to uh, email, personal numbers, that sort of thing. I wrote down some notes of like some good examples, I think the email is so perfect because you can just get.
Speaker 2:You can get kind of it's. It's imperfect as well, like you. There's no room for nuance. But if you have specific details that you need to get across and you don't want that mixed up the that kind of communication, it's perfect for that yeah, yeah, uh, personal email.
Speaker 1:Uh, we use utilized uncommon practices personal email text calls after our contacts availability.
Speaker 1:So, for example, during COVID, I remember we had really good communication with her team.
Speaker 1:So we also had a team in three different provinces that always needed to be in communication and her primary care team was in Alberta until she was listed for a transplant.
Speaker 1:Then that moved to Toronto but they both had contact with our emergency services in Swift Current and I remember because Bella was immune, compromised, had a fragile immune system and was waiting for transplant, I remember them our communication was so good they had said at one point, like, okay, I would talk to them, like what are we going to do if I need to bring Bella to the ER? And they're like, okay, we can't have you sitting in the ER. So they worked out a plan with our emergency crew and stuff current to bring us in through the emergency bay. So I could call I had a number to call ahead of time and be like, okay, I need to bring Bella in, we have our masks on, we're pulling up to base seven and they would let us right in's, kind of like a back at vip entrance to the er to avoid her having any risk in the in the er waiting room do you think the uh, that additional flexibility and availability of the team?
Speaker 2:do you think it was just because you had several teams and they're forced into this situation where we have to make our, we have to start using more forms of communication, we have to make do these zoom calls because we have different teams from different provinces working together also that, but they also, I know like specifically, our local team was like we need a primary one, we need someone to go to.
Speaker 1:We can't just go to kyla like she's the parent, we need someone to call the shots from like up here, and that was toronto from the moment bella got listed, or calgary, and so it was like I could communicate with toronto and be like this is our situation in swift current. What can you tell them and suggest to them so they see it coming from another medical team and therefore are willing to do this specifically for us?
Speaker 2:Did you have to ask for those emails? So like did you ever have to say, hey, could I get your email? And were they reluctant to give it to you?
Speaker 1:I don't think so. I mean that really started with her GI team, but that was basically her care team from the beginning. That was really good communication for all teams because we she always had multiple teams. So email is the best and we would even go, you know, to involve child life and social work and sharing emails. There was always someone I could email and there's always someone I could call.
Speaker 2:I'm just thinking if there is probably other parents that might be listening to this, how can I get that? I feel like I'm just waiting around 16 hours in my my kids room to get. This was a case for us many times is, yeah, waiting there for 16 hours just to see one person for a five minute conversation, yeah, like, how do they get out of that?
Speaker 1:I think about that one. Well you're just kind of saying, like with child life and all those other units. The way I got out of that was I just learned the system. I learned like, okay, things don't happen on the weekends, but yeah, that was a big learning curve the weekends.
Speaker 1:But yeah, yeah, that was a big oh, that was big learning. So, like, the more you learn the system, the more you understand the communication of your team. I would ask ahead on, like thursdays and fridays. I would say, okay, who's on this weekend? And then her team also caught on to this. They're like okay, bella likes to throw us curveballs on the weekends. We're gonna make sure that whoever's on call this weekend has an updated, recent copy of what's going on in her life, because when we were inpatient especially well, not especially it was constant things were always changing, whether it was meds or medical care plans or whatever. Um, so we learned as a team together. Okay, we're gonna let kyla know who's on call this weekend. She can call in as outpatient and they're gonna know who she is. They're gonna know what bellas had lately, like her med list could be 20 meds long a good example of that was when she would require blood work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, uh, on the weekend, and yeah, they had to poke her to get an IV and blood work or IV. Hundreds of times. Well, no, I mean when they didn't have an IV and they had to get blood off of her arm or something. Oh yeah, and it was. They would just send in the normal unit to do that, and it was always a disaster. Because of her dwarfism and because of her veins, it made it impossible for them to get blood.
Speaker 2:the amount they needed to that amount they need it and and so doing that preparation work for going into the weekends when the people that know her aren't around was humongous. Yeah, to save her, you know, getting poked by a needle three times and it not working. They just need a specialized plan and specialized people to do it. Yeah, yeah, but definitely yeah, I had to plan for it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, communication has definitely been a trial and error and it's it's so needed, but it has evolved for the better. Definitely has evolved for the better, I think, for a lot of medical families.
Speaker 2:What else you got there?
Speaker 1:Where are we at we? What else you?
Speaker 2:got there? Uh, where are we at? We're almost time to to close this round, do you think?
Speaker 1:no, we can just do keep going, okay. Well, I only have one more question, oh, but I don't know what time we're at. Are we like close to like 40 minutes?
Speaker 1:we don't want to yeah but there, I guess we can. Yeah, we're gonna keep going anyway. Okay, this is uh, this is a good one kind of ties in with what we previously chatted about, but we might have some different answers for this. This is a question from kirsten. She had asked how did, or how do, how did and do we keep our marriage so strong? I?
Speaker 2:already answered that do you think so? How did we give? I don't know.
Speaker 1:We'll see how do we? Okay? Well, what's our time?
Speaker 2:we'll find out podcast now.
Speaker 1:It might be pretty grumpy sometimes I want to see a real lab domestic go listen back to see episode three.
Speaker 2:What happened in episode three? I don't know. There wasn't episode four where I got in trouble.
Speaker 1:The last q a it kind of was no, uh, I think, yeah, it's better to say how do we keep our marriage strong. I think that's really good and helpful. A lot of people you know are that was a big question. When living in hospital with bella, I would have nurses and people in hospital just ask me that all the time, like how are you guys still married? Have you not ripped each other's heads off already? And we were like it would just like I would rather squabble with you than have to do this on my own. Yeah, well, what are some good examples that we could give people? Maybe there's a couple out there that are like holy crap.
Speaker 2:I'm no relation expert.
Speaker 1:We can speak from experience. I would like to answer the question Pick right. Yeah, pick well, pick well, Pick well. How do you keep your marriage so strong?
Speaker 2:I patience what do you mean? Just what else? Patience, that's, that's how you see what do you mean?
Speaker 1:what do I do? Patience, I honestly let things simmer I think I've heard enough.
Speaker 2:Don't start a podcast.
Speaker 1:Real one or other projects together rule one don't talk about the podcast in podcast club yeah.
Speaker 2:No, that's us in the vehicle. Whoa shut up.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, save it for the podcast save it for the pod, save it for the pod, save it for the pod. Yeah, mid-conversation, we're just like getting something out, like whether it's like, and then it's like cut off yeah, starting big projects that require both of you all in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely really good for relationships.
Speaker 1:It's good for grieving and the talking is good it is, it is uh patience, I would say it would be my number one.
Speaker 2:We might do a couple solo episodes. Did you like your little break from me earlier this? I?
Speaker 1:was telling them. I was like, oh you guys, this is my first little solo spot how'd it feel? I carried on, lonely, lonely, lonely, without you, that's what you got to do.
Speaker 2:You got to leave them wanting. Yeah, like we had mentioned earlier, so I'm going to just threaten, I'm not going on the pod next week, watch.
Speaker 1:Threats and patience. Wait, wait it out, there you go.
Speaker 1:Your time will come. No, that sounds dreary. No, I was going to say patience, because I think when you react too fast, it holds and harbors more regret instead of waiting things out. Just you know, have patience, um, understand that I think. If you're in a hetero relationship, understand that. That. You know men's minds really do To me. They work different. They are very logical and no matter how hard you try, they're not going to think the same way you do, no matter how much time you spend together, how much you ask them to be more sympathetic and more empathetic. Sometimes you just need to start a podcast and maybe the message will get across wait a minute.
Speaker 2:What's going on? Are those things even on? It's all fake, it's a trap. It's like that seinfeld episode where kramer finds the merv griffin set in the dumpster and then he sets it up in his apartment. He invites people in and the one guest is like where are the cameras?
Speaker 1:it's an intervention that's pretty obscure reference, sorry, yeah, no I'm, uh, I like seinfeld, but I don't remember that episode.
Speaker 2:Your dad would anyone that actually likes seinfeld would know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, give me an office episode and I'll know that's you're talking about. Good, yeah yeah, for sure. Okay are we, are we good?
Speaker 2:what do you think? Are we good? I think we're good. I don't know. I'm still upset about the scam you're on in here okay, well, what would?
Speaker 1:what would you? What would your advice be for kirsten? How to keep a marriage strong.
Speaker 2:In one word, maybe two, but one, try one no mine was patience you wouldn't say this was a pg podcast okay, that's your answer, yeah that's your answer, kirsten. Every guy listens like, yeah, that's right we can't forget about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's a big part.
Speaker 2:That's a big part, yeah where are we going with now?
Speaker 1:I want, okay, uh, yeah, my outro.
Speaker 2:Okay, I wrote you know, might, might be good, because this is quite long already, okay, um, why don't we just make it a two-parter and we just keep going if it's the exact same stuff? We can just hey, welcome to part two welcome to part two.
Speaker 1:Ding, ding, round two what.
